[ hello roxana. jonas is on the couch and seems to be dangling some extra thread from their friendship-bracelet-party in front of simba to play with the lion, but the question nets an uneasy grin. ]
I will deeply appreciate when this week as a whole is over. [ heh. ] Holding up okay? Two-victim trials are always hard, and I can't think of a time an execution's ever actually fun to watch.
Nobles rarely gain nobility by being good, I've heard. [ you fight and cheat to get ahead. he doesn't agree with it, but it's the thought. ] ... would you say that you feel more immune to this sort of thing then?
Most of the families I know have their problems. [ it's no surprise there are seeds of corruption or simply bad behavior born of privilege everywhere. ] I'm numb to a lot of it. Detached.
... I don't think that's... well, no, that's not great because that suggests a lot of things I don't like thinking have happened to you, but at the same time maybe it really will make being here easier on you. A lot of people aren't good at coping with death or stress, even when we know what the results are bound to be.
On the other hand, you're not the only person here who's numb to a lot of it. So maybe that makes you in good company in some way.
I don't think I'm unique for it, no. Many of us have experienced and lived through a number of things even outside of these games. I do not mind that I am able to keep my composure as much as I do.
[ he's thinking about certain people who really let their tempers get the better of them yesterday... and the day before... ]
Think you could lend some of your composure to some of the others? It might help us keep our heads on straight. [ a joke. ] I think that understanding goes a long way. Further than some may think. Even if it's not something you can agree on, at least knowing why it's happening is better than not.
And this is where you're better at it than me. I haven't hit the whole "let go" part yet. [ obviously, probably. ] But after this week I'm starting to see some of the appeal, I think.
Of course not. The entire point of living sometimes feels like struggling to get past it. [ thanks, jonas. ] But you're right, easier said than done. Maybe that's why I find you a little impressive that way.
Living can be like trying to reach to and then past a certain point or goal. It's only because I've reached a state of willing to do a number of things to reach some goals.
Even when the goal posts move? Yeah. That's the life experience and it all depends what you're willing to do that lays out the path.
[ she's implied enough for him to get what she's saying and he has plenty of questions, but. ]
I imagine then that reaching that point also means having to ignore any potential regrets or second-guesses. Those traits are the admirable ones, but... to me, this also suggests that you know the things you're willing to do are considered wrong by other people. [ he doesn't say it so much as a judgment but more as a prompt. ]
[ roxana has a lot of regrets, but she'd die before letting it show. she offers him a small smile although it has a slight edge to it. ]
The way my family operates is in opposition—or if not in opposition, at least a little counter to those who are more morally upright or believe in concepts like fairness and justice.
[ she isn't the type of person who shrugs, but her voice adopts an it is what it is kind of tone. ]
If I wanted to survive in my family, that's how I have to be.
[ one day he's going to ask her too many questions and she may very well kill him. for now, he seems to take this into consideration, watching her carefully and calculating the right way to say this. ]
... you don't have to answer this, but... what is it that's keeping you with your family then? [ it's not so much that he believes roxana would want to be morally upright or fair, but he thinks about their vague dabblings in conversations about survival and wonders if it would maybe be easier to survive outside of her family or in it. ]
[ he interprets this as her father's abusive basically and has forced her to comply in ways she didn't want to as a child and now she can't go backwards. ]
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I will deeply appreciate when this week as a whole is over. [ heh. ] Holding up okay? Two-victim trials are always hard, and I can't think of a time an execution's ever actually fun to watch.
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It's been tiring, but I'm fine. Even outside of these games, I see much of the same thing.
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[ what does this mean, roxana. ]
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[ does that make her awful? more than not. ]
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... I don't think that's... well, no, that's not great because that suggests a lot of things I don't like thinking have happened to you, but at the same time maybe it really will make being here easier on you. A lot of people aren't good at coping with death or stress, even when we know what the results are bound to be.
On the other hand, you're not the only person here who's numb to a lot of it. So maybe that makes you in good company in some way.
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I don't think I'm unique for it, no. Many of us have experienced and lived through a number of things even outside of these games. I do not mind that I am able to keep my composure as much as I do.
I understand why many others cannot.
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Think you could lend some of your composure to some of the others? It might help us keep our heads on straight. [ a joke. ] I think that understanding goes a long way. Further than some may think. Even if it's not something you can agree on, at least knowing why it's happening is better than not.
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[ thinking of as select few who burn hot so fast even if this is a joke. ]
Understanding lets me know how to approach and lets me know when it's best to let go.
[ if it's something she doesn't feel too strongly on or maybe if it is. ]
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[ even if there isn't usually satisfaction. ]
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What if you let go of the wrong thing though? Like maybe at the time you think it's best to do that, but then you find out maybe you shouldn't have.
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Living can be like trying to reach to and then past a certain point or goal. It's only because I've reached a state of willing to do a number of things to reach some goals.
[ ... ]
Some of it isn't that impressive.
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[ she's implied enough for him to get what she's saying and he has plenty of questions, but. ]
I imagine then that reaching that point also means having to ignore any potential regrets or second-guesses. Those traits are the admirable ones, but... to me, this also suggests that you know the things you're willing to do are considered wrong by other people. [ he doesn't say it so much as a judgment but more as a prompt. ]
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The way my family operates is in opposition—or if not in opposition, at least a little counter to those who are more morally upright or believe in concepts like fairness and justice.
[ she isn't the type of person who shrugs, but her voice adopts an it is what it is kind of tone. ]
If I wanted to survive in my family, that's how I have to be.
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... you don't have to answer this, but... what is it that's keeping you with your family then? [ it's not so much that he believes roxana would want to be morally upright or fair, but he thinks about their vague dabblings in conversations about survival and wonders if it would maybe be easier to survive outside of her family or in it. ]
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My father will dispose of anyone who doesn't fit the image he wants. There's no way I could have fought back or escaped as a young child.
[ back when she still had the heart to not conform. ]
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And as an adult? Are you still trapped?