[ she loves a cuddly animal that could kill her if it wanted. ]
They do keep saying that, but it's also what all of us believe, too, isn't it? People can't help but want to keep something alive even if it's a loose connection like this, but just as easily, that connection could be cut.
[ as he's said. circumstances can change anything, if the right trigger is pushed. ]
I don't know if that's something that will happen first unless they want to start this audit with a twist.
[ if they do it for the drama. ]
My family's ideals and tenets push certain priorities.
I mean, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. [ he's a loving and forgiving god or whatever but he's also not stupid and he's maybe slightly paranoid and mistrusting of things like this. ] It might be something said to us to put us at ease for now and keep the audit running smoothly. But until we get a little further into this and see how team dynamics pan out, I don't know.
Things are already starting to throw us off this early, aren't they? [ perhaps there are even more surprises afoot. ]
And the priority was surviving. Or... maybe certain things that other people wouldn't agree to?
They did mention they'd lie to us, too. [ it is just a matter of sorting what to believe and what not to. ] I don't think our team will have too many problems.
[ if anything, she's the most problematic one because she cares about having her own space and doesn't contribute to team spirit. ]
We'll just have to see whether the team missions will be as innocent as they say, and we'll have to see what kinds of other achievements unlock.
[ she was not a video game person in her last life, so even her isekai life won't help her here. ]
A little of both, but that's not a unique experience.
The key is going to be taking everything at face value and taking nothing at the same time. It's about the only way we're going to sort things out. But you're probably right. Most people seem to get along fine, and any issues we do have can be set aside.
[ such as his weird thing with childe. ]
I've never done a team game... that I remember. I should probably ask Kazuki or one of the others if we had missions in the Underground and what those might look like. The achievements thing sounds new though.
[ all of that aside... there's a patient look as he contemplates on her answer. ]
Even if it's not a unique experience, the uniqueness comes from how you handle it and how you move forward with it. We've had a similar conversation when it comes to leading and following, haven't we?
If you squabble with Childe, I don't think you two will make it a big deal.
[ at least not where anyone can see anyway. ]
That you remember.... Kazuki did mention you and he and Alex were teammates in his "game." Does entering heaven affect your memory?
[ it seems to be something that's becoming more common with people from heaven? ]
We did have that conversation, but it doesn't change what I said. Whatever differences there are doesn't change that wanting to survive is something most people want.
We have something of a deal in place, so I hope it won't be a big deal. I don't even totally dislike him.
[ but he leaves that there to shake his head. ]
I don't think that has anything to do with it. It's... likely an Alex and a Jonas from a different loop. [ which is a little telling itself that admits a.) there are time things going on but also b.) he and alex know each other from outside of all of this, which is something he hasn't expressed to a ton of people in the first place. ] I still feel pretty bad we don't remember when he clearly does, but I'm working to make it up to him.
People do all sorts of things to survive. That's not even going into the people who may not want to survive but then get partway out the door and decide they do after all. It's... a few human thing to want. I don't know how much I can blame on a person for doing what it takes to keep living.
[ she doesn't even know what childe has done yet. she just thinks that sounds like an apt thing to say after seeing how they interacted. ]
Different loop? [ at least she's genre savvy. ] That must get a little confusing in occurrences like these—even if these kinds of occurrences might be rarer than having to go through timeloops. It's not like you can help that, so as long as he's understanding of it....
[ it probably won't get too messy. probably. ]
It is a human and natural thing to want to live or survive, no matter how strong or weak that desire is. You say you can't blame them too much, but do you think the ends justify the means?
I just have other things I need to focus on, I think.
[ so. not entirely forgiving, but childe is hilariously lower on his list than figuring out other problems. but he nods. ]
Yeah. Um. We were sort of... trapped, I guess? In a reality tear that caught us in a timeloop. It took me a while to really notice, and I don't even know how many times we've looped by now. There are whole timelines I don't remember, or events that've happened that some people remember and I don't. For all I know, Homophonic was a part of one of them. It's... really confusing, sometimes, because it feels like I remember certain things but I can't always tell if it's because it's really something that happened or it just feels familiar. But that's not on anybody else, that's just...
[ it's messy because alex remembers like almost everything, kazuki remembers their history and jonas's own knowledge is lacking, so it's a problem. but he waves a hand because it's not roxana's problem to know about jonas and his loops. ]
Anyway. I think it depends what the ends are. Why are you doing what you're doing? Who are you doing it for? Stuff like that. I don't think a blanket statement like that works when it comes to survival.
Does it wear on you to know you're missing something? Or does it frighten you?
[ she has all her memories from her past life, but those are fading the longer she lives her current life. it's something she tries not to think too hard about. ]
It comes back to the circumstances. You try to judge individually, case-by-case, but it's not always possible to find out all the details for someone.
Is it believable if I say I really don't know yet? I go back and forth on how I feel about that a lot.
[ sometimes he thinks it's exhausting to know he's experienced a lot more than he remembers and even not remembering the exact memories, he can feel the results. and sometimes it's horrifying to think about what important things he might be missing and what context he lacks for who he is. ]
There are always going to be people you don't know and can't get to know whether because of your own means or theirs. You still try, but it won't always be perfect.
It is. It's not like every feeling or thought can be settled and firm, and it's not as if we aren't going through our lives still.
[ there's something that she can't decipher or discern about herself yet either. she may be decisive about much, and her experiences have led her to a certain point, but there's at least one thing that's lost to her still. ]
[ he decides not to point out he's technically dead because he is very obviously still going through these things, and even he can't deny that. ]
Not to mention even when you think you're settled, anything can come along and change it anyway.
[ though... he can't deny that either. ]
I've had enough people give up on me. I'm not going to be that person for other people. [ so. yes. ] And it's why I want to try to understand everything before condemning someone or whatever.
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no subject
They do keep saying that, but it's also what all of us believe, too, isn't it? People can't help but want to keep something alive even if it's a loose connection like this, but just as easily, that connection could be cut.
[ as he's said. circumstances can change anything, if the right trigger is pushed. ]
I don't know if that's something that will happen first unless they want to start this audit with a twist.
[ if they do it for the drama. ]
My family's ideals and tenets push certain priorities.
no subject
Things are already starting to throw us off this early, aren't they? [ perhaps there are even more surprises afoot. ]
And the priority was surviving. Or... maybe certain things that other people wouldn't agree to?
no subject
[ if anything, she's the most problematic one because she cares about having her own space and doesn't contribute to team spirit. ]
We'll just have to see whether the team missions will be as innocent as they say, and we'll have to see what kinds of other achievements unlock.
[ she was not a video game person in her last life, so even her isekai life won't help her here. ]
A little of both, but that's not a unique experience.
no subject
[ such as his weird thing with childe. ]
I've never done a team game... that I remember. I should probably ask Kazuki or one of the others if we had missions in the Underground and what those might look like. The achievements thing sounds new though.
[ all of that aside... there's a patient look as he contemplates on her answer. ]
Even if it's not a unique experience, the uniqueness comes from how you handle it and how you move forward with it. We've had a similar conversation when it comes to leading and following, haven't we?
no subject
[ at least not where anyone can see anyway. ]
That you remember.... Kazuki did mention you and he and Alex were teammates in his "game." Does entering heaven affect your memory?
[ it seems to be something that's becoming more common with people from heaven? ]
We did have that conversation, but it doesn't change what I said. Whatever differences there are doesn't change that wanting to survive is something most people want.
no subject
[ but he leaves that there to shake his head. ]
I don't think that has anything to do with it. It's... likely an Alex and a Jonas from a different loop. [ which is a little telling itself that admits a.) there are time things going on but also b.) he and alex know each other from outside of all of this, which is something he hasn't expressed to a ton of people in the first place. ] I still feel pretty bad we don't remember when he clearly does, but I'm working to make it up to him.
People do all sorts of things to survive. That's not even going into the people who may not want to survive but then get partway out the door and decide they do after all. It's... a few human thing to want. I don't know how much I can blame on a person for doing what it takes to keep living.
no subject
[ she doesn't even know what childe has done yet. she just thinks that sounds like an apt thing to say after seeing how they interacted. ]
Different loop? [ at least she's genre savvy. ] That must get a little confusing in occurrences like these—even if these kinds of occurrences might be rarer than having to go through timeloops. It's not like you can help that, so as long as he's understanding of it....
[ it probably won't get too messy. probably. ]
It is a human and natural thing to want to live or survive, no matter how strong or weak that desire is. You say you can't blame them too much, but do you think the ends justify the means?
no subject
[ so. not entirely forgiving, but childe is hilariously lower on his list than figuring out other problems. but he nods. ]
Yeah. Um. We were sort of... trapped, I guess? In a reality tear that caught us in a timeloop. It took me a while to really notice, and I don't even know how many times we've looped by now. There are whole timelines I don't remember, or events that've happened that some people remember and I don't. For all I know, Homophonic was a part of one of them. It's... really confusing, sometimes, because it feels like I remember certain things but I can't always tell if it's because it's really something that happened or it just feels familiar. But that's not on anybody else, that's just...
[ it's messy because alex remembers like almost everything, kazuki remembers their history and jonas's own knowledge is lacking, so it's a problem. but he waves a hand because it's not roxana's problem to know about jonas and his loops. ]
Anyway. I think it depends what the ends are. Why are you doing what you're doing? Who are you doing it for? Stuff like that. I don't think a blanket statement like that works when it comes to survival.
no subject
[ she has all her memories from her past life, but those are fading the longer she lives her current life. it's something she tries not to think too hard about. ]
It comes back to the circumstances. You try to judge individually, case-by-case, but it's not always possible to find out all the details for someone.
no subject
Is it believable if I say I really don't know yet? I go back and forth on how I feel about that a lot.
[ sometimes he thinks it's exhausting to know he's experienced a lot more than he remembers and even not remembering the exact memories, he can feel the results. and sometimes it's horrifying to think about what important things he might be missing and what context he lacks for who he is. ]
There are always going to be people you don't know and can't get to know whether because of your own means or theirs. You still try, but it won't always be perfect.
no subject
[ there's something that she can't decipher or discern about herself yet either. she may be decisive about much, and her experiences have led her to a certain point, but there's at least one thing that's lost to her still. ]
You're the type to try and keep trying.
no subject
Not to mention even when you think you're settled, anything can come along and change it anyway.
[ though... he can't deny that either. ]
I've had enough people give up on me. I'm not going to be that person for other people. [ so. yes. ] And it's why I want to try to understand everything before condemning someone or whatever.
no subject
We're all shaped by our experiences. We often try to right the ways we were wronged.
[ for better or worse. ]
But at least the way you're doing it is meant to help.
no subject
... currently though, my experience is telling me tomorrow's still going to be a pain in the ass, no matter how much we may want to right wrongs.