disingenuous | kashuu catchall

[STOP IM LOSING IT him just running around collecting people fastly... He does have a big peanut heart, it's true. He loves so much!! And so fiercely... Like a sword. Sasuga, Kashuu.

He looks like he's seriously considering this as he sips at his boba, though... Hm.]

...I dunno if I'd say easier. A lot of the times, it was way harder. [That is the way of murder when one gets attached to 99% of the game.] I felt a lotta things I've never felt before, too. But I guess that's the way all things with hearts learn and grow, right?

[ Murder is something a sword knows, but she supposes if he doesn't try to stop himself from getting attached, that's what makes it worse.

He's a good peanut. ]

That's right. Anything new is hard to handle at first, but I know you're the type of spirit to persevere.

[ From where he began to where he is now. ]

And you can only be stronger for it.

[Unfortunately, he is a good peanut. He also nods as Roxana talks, because this makes sense to him...]

I'm hard to handle, too, so I guess that's part of what gives me the kinda spirit I need to persevere anyway.

[He's just stubborn... EVERYONE IN THIS GAME IS STUBBORN.]

Thanks, though - sounds a little better when you put it like that. And now I can appreciate you guys even more!

[Since he knows better and better by the day what sort of weights people carry with their human hearts...]

I think you're easy to handle, though?

[ She says that with affection. He hasn't given her much trouble at all.

She sighs a little and leans against him. She really will miss him. ]

You appreciate us enough as is.

That's 'cuz you're one of my favs!

[The terrible truth about Kashuu is that he's either a sweet peach or an absolute hellish nightmare from Dante's inferno depending, but so very few things and people triggered the latter side in this group. Hilarious.

He leans right back, though, bonking his head into her arm kind of like a cat.]

I dunno, I think I could always stand to appreciate you a little more. Especially you guys here. I love a lot of you, so obviously I'm gonna want to be able to understand you, right? So I can spoil you better.

[ This is very sweet. It's almost too sweet, and it elicits something of an uneasy feeling from Roxana.

She's quiet for a moment. ]

You do know I'm not a good person, don't you?

[ She knows swords don't see or view things as humans do and don't have the same sense of morals, but for as much as she cares for him, she wants to at least be clear about that.

It's not like she's hidden that her morals aren't exactly spotless, but she truly is not a good person. ]

[Roxana...

Hilariously this is not the first time swords have had this sort of conversation with people in this game, though. It's also something he's familiar with. His non-bubble tea holding hand reaches out for hers, so he can hold it very gently if she allows.

There's a little pause, though. Since he can tell this is something she really wants to get across, he wants to explain himself well in return.]

Mm... It's not my place to judge what a "good" or "bad" person is, y'know. It's like - everyone has a reason for picking up a sword, right? And other people can label their reasons as just ones or as evil ones, but that reason is still important to the person holding the sword. All humans have the ability to help and to hurt with their hands, anyway.

[Truly Kashuu is out here just occasionally reminding people that he's a minor deity born from a tool of murder.]

So that kinda stuff doesn't matter. To me, you're just Roxana. The kinda survivalist who'd do some vicious things to keep living, but who also held my hands and told me that we're comrades.

[ The feeling is uncomfortable, when she thinks people could or will actually care for her, for whom she truly is and not just the person she presents.

This is why she hates swords as much as she hates Verdants. It's odd, how fond she is of swords, how of everyone here, she wouldn't mind if any of them actually tried to see her again, if that's what they would want. It's not like she doesn't know, doesn't understand swords are tools of murder.

She does, all too well. But even if their morality isn't human, that doesn't mean they can't judge a person even if they have no place to. He is here with a heart that can judge.

She lets him take her hand. ]

All right.

[ There is the weight of genuine belief in that, trust that it's true that he could accept Roxana, as she is for whom she is, the bad, the good, the kind of person who'd fade away if you let her.

And she thinks, maybe she could love Kashuu. ]

Thank you, Kiyomitsu. For being here. [ Their refrain. And for wanting to accept her even if she thinks he shouldn't because she has said so many things simply to earn his favor without being true. ]

For being someone who loves and who is loved.

[It's true - he has a heart that can judge, even if it often doesn't. Not in the way a human's would, anyway. But he has his biases, he has his sentiments, his preferences, his beliefs, his fury and his love.

At his core, he's not human. But there are flecks of humanity threaded all throughout him, inseparable from his being like it's been imparted through the human hands that forged him.

He gives Roxana's hand a gentle squeeze, and his smile is as old as the dried riverbeds he'd lived in for hundreds of years, watching humanity at its worst whittle itself away.]

Thanks for being here, too. For letting me know you and love you.

[Even if it's uncomfortable. Even if there are doubtlessly many parts of Roxana he still doesn't know yet, in all the beautiful and terrible shades of humanity she comes in.]

I hope this won't be the end, but if it is... I'm really glad that I got to meet you.

Mm. Me, too.

[ Her words are soft, soft in the way that she peeled back enough layers to be real and raw. ]

If it is the end, I'll miss you.

[ More than she can quantify, more than she'd put into words as she is now.

She remembers how he told her where he came from, what he had to see and experience, but when you get lost in your own head, it's hard to find how others look at you in ways you don't expect. ]

... Know you'll always be beautiful where it counts the most.

[the sound of ara sliding in after endgame to kneecap me with this tag and me needing to take a 2 day nap about it

But!! Both of these things mean a lot to him, in the end. The fact that he's important enough, cherished enough, to be missed in the first place. That she finds him beautiful in the ways that matter. There are a lot of things about the aches he carries that can't be soothed, and he wonders someday if he'll ever see his wounds fully healed. But little moments like this help to build him, bit by bit, into something - someone - better than before.

There's warmth and something a little melancholic in his smile.]

Geez, you're really spoiling me tonight, huh? ...I hope I won't have the time or space to miss you too much, but if I do... I'll remember this, too.

[To carry part of the people you hold dear with you is one of the greatest blessings of a human heart, after all. Without fail, he makes good use of it.]

[ this is what you get for getting cr with me.... while playing someone who cares.

Words can't heal years of pain and trauma, but they mean something, if true, and she doesn't see much reason not to say untrue things to Kashuu on this last night together. She is prepared to miss him and never see him again.

(She is prepared to not be loved in this way again.)

She laughs a little. The only melancholy is in her eyes, not in her laughter. ]

I've seen and heard enough of your missions to be realistic, Kiyomitsu, but tonight, we should be as selfish as we can.

[ Roxana does a lot of things that are selfish, but not usually quite in this way. ]

And that means spoiling ourselves silly.

[ It's the least they can do after everything they've had to go through and what they have yet to go through. ]

kashuu catchall

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