It would have been easy to read your letters and reply to them than deal with things over in the other terminal. It's admirable to want to save everyone, but you've touched on how possible I think it is.
[ which is not at all, but that shouldn't be surprising coming from her.
he seems to be firm on the next point, so she doesn't have anything else to comment on it. whatever happens next will be for him to deal with for better or worse. ]
It's not how I want everyone to think, but if there is something you want that can be achieved by what's offered, and you knew the damage would be minimal, it's a question of how much you truly want it, if it's not worth a life or any guilt that comes with that. It's how much weight you'll put in pragmatism, efficiency, or your principles. Or even your pride.
Back in the Prism, I made more of an effort in both being sweeter but telling some people that I'm reprehensible. Here, I decided neither was worth it, but talking with you sometimes....
[ she does think he should find more fault with her. people could stand to be less understanding of her in general. ]
I have. I remember. [ it's not surprising, but he is at least starting to take that into consideration. does he still want to try? yes, obviously. but he also knows there are some people out there who don't want to be saved either.
and so the focus is on the next point, nodding along for the moment. ]
Guilt is a strong motivator for most people, I think. But then again, some people are well past the point of feeling guilty. I feel like... pride obviously gets in people's way a lot. People don't ask for the help they need, and if they aren't careful it means making a move to do everything themselves even if they aren't prepared for the fallout. I mean that's also going into whether a person's principles are solid and can't be changed, or how they were built to begin with. Can a person still hold those same principles and call something like a murder a one-off? In theory, back home, that's sort of what I have to decide when allowing people into Heaven. In practice, I think something like this makes people want more than they originally thought. Or maybe even want things they didn't know they wanted anymore because the option to get it came through.
You just decided to let people decide for themselves then. The less you say, the more likely they were to develop their own conclusions. [ reasonable. ] ... there are so many things I wish I knew about you, but it was always your choice how much you wanted to say about anything at any given time. I just formed an opinion based on what I had.
[ she's done terrible things, from the sounds of it, and also to be quite honest it's not like he knew nanaki to begin with so. you know. ]
I think people can do a number of things that go against their principles, so would you judge a person by their actions or what they think is best even if they don't act that way?
[ that's roxana half the time - choosing to do what she thinks is wrong anyway. ]
I'm not so insane that I want people to hate me. [ but she's stopped putting in more effort to get people to like her more. ] It's only I know how difficult I am.
[ in the things she does or doesn't share, in how much people can see of her. she's not perfect in hiding everything she wants, but she does think people only like what they can see. there's a beat before she gives a more straightforward answer: ]
I would judge a person by the reasoning for the actions, I think. You can know something's wrong, but... if there's an overarching reason that can't be helped, isn't the answer more about understanding that before deciding? But I know as the years go by I may not have the luxury of time for everyone in Heaven. I'll have to streamline it.
[ it's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that right now he's not sure he can maintain his way of doing things. he thinks about other difficult people in his life and he thinks about roxana before he hears her answer and he offers an apologetic smile. ]
... sorry then. I can say there are things you've done or things you think I probably don't and won't like, but I can appreciate that you don't waver. Not exactly the worst trait to have when you have goals in mind. I sort of wish I was better at it myself.
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no subject
[ which is not at all, but that shouldn't be surprising coming from her.
he seems to be firm on the next point, so she doesn't have anything else to comment on it. whatever happens next will be for him to deal with for better or worse. ]
It's not how I want everyone to think, but if there is something you want that can be achieved by what's offered, and you knew the damage would be minimal, it's a question of how much you truly want it, if it's not worth a life or any guilt that comes with that. It's how much weight you'll put in pragmatism, efficiency, or your principles. Or even your pride.
Back in the Prism, I made more of an effort in both being sweeter but telling some people that I'm reprehensible. Here, I decided neither was worth it, but talking with you sometimes....
[ she does think he should find more fault with her. people could stand to be less understanding of her in general. ]
no subject
and so the focus is on the next point, nodding along for the moment. ]
Guilt is a strong motivator for most people, I think. But then again, some people are well past the point of feeling guilty. I feel like... pride obviously gets in people's way a lot. People don't ask for the help they need, and if they aren't careful it means making a move to do everything themselves even if they aren't prepared for the fallout. I mean that's also going into whether a person's principles are solid and can't be changed, or how they were built to begin with. Can a person still hold those same principles and call something like a murder a one-off? In theory, back home, that's sort of what I have to decide when allowing people into Heaven. In practice, I think something like this makes people want more than they originally thought. Or maybe even want things they didn't know they wanted anymore because the option to get it came through.
You just decided to let people decide for themselves then. The less you say, the more likely they were to develop their own conclusions. [ reasonable. ] ... there are so many things I wish I knew about you, but it was always your choice how much you wanted to say about anything at any given time. I just formed an opinion based on what I had.
[ she's done terrible things, from the sounds of it, and also to be quite honest it's not like he knew nanaki to begin with so. you know. ]
Would it be easier if I liked you less?
no subject
[ that's roxana half the time - choosing to do what she thinks is wrong anyway. ]
I'm not so insane that I want people to hate me. [ but she's stopped putting in more effort to get people to like her more. ] It's only I know how difficult I am.
[ in the things she does or doesn't share, in how much people can see of her. she's not perfect in hiding everything she wants, but she does think people only like what they can see. there's a beat before she gives a more straightforward answer: ]
It would be easier.
no subject
[ it's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that right now he's not sure he can maintain his way of doing things. he thinks about other difficult people in his life and he thinks about roxana before he hears her answer and he offers an apologetic smile. ]
... sorry then. I can say there are things you've done or things you think I probably don't and won't like, but I can appreciate that you don't waver. Not exactly the worst trait to have when you have goals in mind. I sort of wish I was better at it myself.