kumon catchall

[disingenuous]

something about acting and baseball is all i know

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[9mon]

[Close his eyes? He does listen to what he's told to do, closing his eyes far before the swing of the umbrella lops off this woman's head. But he still hears it.

And then this woman... Roxana's mother(?) speaks as if nothing as happened at all.

He shudders.]

[disingenuous]

[ Her stepmother, of a sorts. Roxana's mother is her father's fourth wife, and her father is a polygamist.

She knows this is a horrible memory for someone as sweet as Kumon. ]

I didn't want you to see that.

[9mon]

I... managed to miss most of it.

[But he couldn't avoid the entirety.

He bows his head.]

Sorry, you shared that.

[disingenuous]

No, I'm more sorry you had to see any of it. It's worse for someone who isn't used to those kinds of things.

[ wanton and careless murder. ]

[9mon]

Is it really something you can get used to...?

[Two weeks of this feel heavy. But maybe it's something different when it's a fact of life and the people around you are so... casual about killing.]

[disingenuous]

It depends on the type of person. I think it's better if you don't.

[ To get so desensitized is not a good thing. It may numb you to the horrors, but you also don't view them as horrible as you should. ]

[9mon]

I don't think I can, honestly.

[His life is far too normal to feel fine about any of it.]

[disingenuous]

Good.

[ it's as simple as that. he shouldn't. he won't. he can't. ]

[9mon]

[They're still in the bubble though...]

I think this'll let us out.

[He touches the bubble, and this time it'll let them out.

A memory begins to play (until 2:24).

Of all the people who deserve to be on the stage, it certainly shouldn't be you. All you've ever been able to do is let people down. You don't want to let them down, but your body keeps letting you down and there's nothing you can do to fight back against it. You want to help, you want to support them and... your body gives out on you, every time.

He... failed. Again and again and again. He never manages to live up to what he wants, for himself or for the people around him. Juza was right when you first asked to get on stage, wasn't he? Kumon never should've been on stage. It's nothing but another group of people he's let down.

But Juza speaks, gentle, a soft smile on his features as he encourages you. There's no such thing as a right to be on stage, that you'll get through it this time.

You can only hope he's right.]

[disingenuous]

[ There are issues she understands on either a personal or an intellectual level or both. Even if none of them are similar to her own, it doesn't mean she can't understand. ]

Do you still feel that way now?

[9mon]

... No. On the stage... you're a team, and everybody is supporting everybody else. Even if you slip up somewhere, as long as the audience is smiling, that means it was a success.

It's something I've just learned.

[disingenuous]

That's a good lesson to learn. In a team, it's not only you. If you stumble, a team member will catch you.

Have you found that true here, too?

[9mon]

[If you fumble here you could die, so it feels a lot more high stakes.]

Yeah... I think the people here are kind, even if this place is... the way it is.

[disingenuous]

[ it is much more high stakes. that is very true. ]

Things are easier if you let people support you.

[9mon]

Do you have people like that here?

[disingenuous]

Of course. There are so many who reach out.

[9mon]

Good. I don't know you as well as other people do so... I'm just glad you have them.