disingenuous | kazuma catchall

[ it's ok it'd detract from his emo ]

What am I forcing myself with? I am here out of concern, for you and what for whatever happened to you. Can you describe it?

[ his nails are beautiful but chipped like his SOUL ]

[ manpain ]

A man like me is undeserving of your concern, Miss Roxana.

[ but. ]

... I truly can't. But I can recount the events of that night, if you'd like to know.

[ help i love you and him but Roxana doesn't have as much time to be too sympathetic to his manpain. She understand it, but her worries are many. ]

What happened to you concerns us all. If you could be made to take the life of someone you hold so dear....

[ It deserves a lot of concern, Kazuma. ]

I'll listen to whatever you can tell me, even if it's simply the events of that night.

[ roxana is valid, he's just like wah wah i suck ]

... Of course. Whatever I can do to help.

Ryunosuke and I both woke up at the same time... neither of us knew why. We set out investigating, trying to figure out what happened. At the carnival is where he started behaving strangely... he shoved me, proclaimed he couldn't trust me and we began fighting. I was trying to get him to calm down, but.... he was trying to kill me in earnest.

The more the night went on, the less control I had of my faculties. I became... convinced, that killing him was the right thing to do. To protect him. I don't.... know if it was an outside force, or simply....

[ himself. ]

[ She nods, after a moment, and closes her eyes. Some of that is a surprise, but it's not fully shocking, not after finding out about the tunnels from last week. If they both were affected.... ]

You are blaming yourself too much, Kazuma. I can't say it wasn't you who took his life, but we already know how this place can influence people.

The root of it is this place, not you.

.. It isn't the first time I've lost control of myself. People have demons inside of them, Miss Roxana..... and not all of them have the strength to face them, to overcome them.

[ .... ]

But I thank you for your faith in me. And I'm sorry I don't have any information on the root of all of this. I do believe you're right, in that regard. This place has a frightening amount of influence on us, as much as we believe it's the other way around.

I know enough about the evils people can do. It's not that I believe you are a shining paragon or you don't have your own demons, but you have a sense of justice that betrays your demons, I think.

[ If there is a shining paragon between him or Ryunosuke, she'd pick Ryunosuke every time, but if Kazuma lacked that strength, would he be wallowing in his guilt so much? Would he have stabbed his own hand from the realization of his crime, if he were that terrible of a person?

She knows too many who wouldn't be even a fraction as anguished as he is. ]

I would be more soothed if I could believe we influenced this place as much as it influenced you and Ryunosuke that night, if we could have even a modicum of control over how we influenced it.

.... Thank you.

[ honestly, she's right and he's just a drama queen. he can't really agree with her, not with the memory of ryunosuke's bloody, broken body in his hands.... but he can at least appreciate her words. ]

I think you're right, on that account. What we have is the illusion of control.

[ She can't make him accept her words, but that he says thank you like that is sign enough that he's not that shitty.

She nods. ]

We have to unravel the truth behind this entire place like we did today, but also unlike today.

[ roxana is such a good girl.... ]

... I wish I could provide more insight. But I think the prism's powers must be limited, and I do wonder if it relies on us to fuel it.

[ like how we submit new locations. ]

[ no. her family is legit evil, so kazuma just pales in comparison. if you are somehow saved tomorrow, you can still know that. it's fine. ]

I think there's merit to that thought. If it needs us, and that's part of the reason why we're here.

[ if they are producing color with everything they do.

and producing the new locations. ]

Edited 2022-02-27 07:56 (UTC)

[ i stand by this she is a good girl even if her family is evil ]

I think there might be some truth to that note we found about being in a spider's web.

... What really troubles, me, though.. Last week, when people started acting strangely, it could be stopped. But I couldn't stop Ryunosuke, or myself. So either I didn't have the strength, myself... or, whatever's doing this has gotten more powerful.

If what was contained in tunnels last week has now expanded to.... what happened that night, it may be contained for whatever triggered it for you and Ryunosuke.

[ Everyone else was put to sleep, so it couldn't hit everyone. She has no solid idea why Ryunosuke and Kazuma were chosen when they're the first. ]

If it keeps growing in power, it could reach more of us.

[ And if they are the fuel like Kazuma has said.... How do you stop that? ]

It may be that it can only affect a few people at a time. [ hence why everyone else was (francy voice) bedtime bedtime! ] Or... something was protecting them from being affected.

[ he nods grimly in response to her ]

... Ultimately, I'm just speculating. But I think the real battle is ahead of you.

Either is just as likely until we figure out more.

[ She closes her eyes. ]

I suspect so, too. What happened to you seems to be only the beginning.

[ another grim nod. ]

... I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you to keep your wits about you.

But I hope you can get to the source of all of this, and eliminate it.

[ so something like this doesn't happen again. ]

kazuma catchall

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