disingenuous | kashuu catchall

[ She will let him take one of her hands, but it freezes when he askes if she wants him to volunteer.

She glances at him sharply. ]

Would you do that to Yasusada? I stopped letting my heart be soft years ago. Even for as much....

[ For as much as she does care about Kashuu, despite how much she creates her own distances.... ]

I would not hold back against even you.

[ She would try to kill anyone. No one is safe from Roxana. ]

[Yeah, he's not surprised to hear that. He doesn't take it personally; humans who value survival above all else are not strangers to him. Wanting to live more than you care about even those close to you is a very human thing - one of the most human things.

He gives her hand a very gentle squeeze.]

I don't think you could kill me.

[He says it in a very even, measured way. There has never been an enemy he's stood toe to toe with that's succeeded in killing him in this life, with arms and legs of his own. But all the same:]

...I wouldn't want to do that to either of you, though. [Roxana may be willing to kill him, but she shouldn't have to face that. And on the chance she did best him - he's not arrogant enough to think he's unassailable - he couldn't bear to put Yasusada through the same heart-gripping terror he'd felt today.]

I just don't know what to do for you...

[ It is his newness to human emotions that made him reveal Yasusada's hand, his worry and his fear, but Roxana knows he would have chosen Yasusada over her. Kashuu received the memory that helped solve this trial, the same one Crow used to accuse her. ]

There are other ways to battle than with a sword, Kiyomitsu.

[ Her voice is soft, almost sweet. She has long been past the days of being as straightforward as a sword. For as much as she is a tool to her family, as much as she is a weapon herself, she is much more twisted. ]

Stay with Yasusada. I don't want to see you two separated after this weekend.

[ That much is true. ]

[His newness to human emotion really did come kick his ass in a hilarious way today god bless, he almost got his potato killed. It's fine!! It's fine. She's not wrong, in any case; he loves and cares for a great many people here, including Roxana. But it's only Yasusada that he lives for.]

...Yeah.

[Well. That's true. He'd already seen it long before coming here, and he sees it here more clearly than ever. There are many ways to battle.

His head bows a little at that.]

I don't want you to die. [That is true, even now.] But I can't break my promise to him, so... --Is there anything else I can do? For you. Now, or tomorrow, or any time after.

I don't want to die either.

[ There's a little vulnerability in that, that slips through that she didn't mean. The only reason she's as composed as she is is because they received letters from the dead this week. That they aren't completely gone... She doesn't want to go to wherever they are with no guarantee of returning, but... ]

Write to me? Of whatever you find out after, if I don't win tomorrow.

[ She will do everything to try to win, but the Prism is a bitch. ]

[Also somewhat reflexively, he gives Roxana's hand another squeeze. The knowledge that the dead aren't gone only takes the edge out of loss - it doesn't negate it. It doesn't make death more palatable. Dying is dying, no matter what happens on the other side.

But there's no hesitation in his answer.]

I will. I'll write you, for sure, if that's what happens.

[And if it doesn't - well. They'll have to deal with a refracted Roxana, most likely, and that'll be another slew of problems, but problems they can handle, at least.]

And if you don't win, then I'll do whatever I can to help you and the others get back. I promise.

[After a brief pause, he'll lift his other hand, pinky out.]

[ Dying is still dying. Loss is still loss. It's still terrifying for someone who has done everything in her power to survive.

She looks at his pinky for a moment before she hooks her pinky around his. Pinky promise. ]

Thank you. That's what I want.

[ ... ]

Hey, Kiyomitsu, do you know how to make a flower crown?

[He gives their hands a little shake with their pinkies hooked. Pinky promise - and Kashuu doesn't break his, unless he himself is broken.

The question earns her a curious look, though, as he pulls his hand away.]

Mm? Yeah, I do. It's been a little while, but I'm not super rusty or anything.

[ She's silent for a moment, and she sounds a little younger than she usually does. ]

Make one for me, one I can wear tomorrow?

[Oof. His expression crumples a little at that, before he makes an effort to pull himself together a bit more - squaring his shoulders, trying not to let his emotions show so clearly. Unlike the sudden and violent reaction from trial, those black scales creep sluggishly up his arms and neck now, and the flicker of firelight in his eyes is dampened. He nods, all the same.]

...Yeah. For sure - I'll make you a super pretty one. Want me to do your hair for you, too?

[He'd offer to bring her new clothes but sweet Itsuki's already got that. HOPEFULLY. He'll beat him up if he doesn't.]

[ yeah, idk if kashuu visited her before or after itsuki, but if it's after, the clothes are somewhere here. ]

... All right. You can do that, too.

[ There's no knowing what will happen tomorrow, but why not? She may as well go out with style, living or dying. ]

[PROBABLY AFTER so good he won't have to beat Itsuki up.

Truly the Metallic life, though... He reaches forward like he's going to touch her hair, but his hand stalls, pulling up shy.]

--I'll make sure it's secure and outta your face.

[For whatever fight she'll have ahead of her. It's a small bit of help, pitiably small, but it's about all he can do beyond making that crown.]

Lemme go get the stuff I need and I'll be back, 'kay?

.... Thank you, Kiyomitsu.

[ It's hard, being powerful. It's difficult, feeling helpless. It's terrible, not knowing whether you'll live or die. It's even worse, knowing people expect your death. ]

I'm glad I met you.

[ She can no longer say she will still be here. ]

[For a moment, he's still and quiet. But then he shifts forward, reaching out, pulling her into a delicate and careful hug - and brief one, because there is work to be done and no time to waste, but... It's the best way he knows to convey everything he can't say. Ah, this place is cruel. What a cruel and unhappy parting, too. But...]

...I'm glad I met you, too.

[To be glad to each other and not this place - he can do that. Especially now, when it has taken so much from them all.

He moves to stand from the bed after that, though he'll be back soon. Quietly:]

Thank you for letting me see the you behind the walls, even just a little. Every part of you that I got to know here is something precious, no matter what it was.

[Precious, perfectly flawed humans.

And with that, he sweeps away to collect what he'll need to potentially send her off with.]

kashuu catchall

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