disingenuous | kashuu catchall

[ She allows him to take her hands, and she gives his hands a small squeeze. ]

Why do you say that? What will Friday tell?

[ She is a little puzzled even if she can form a bunch of theories of implications, but she'd rather know what Kashuu means instead of assume which one he means. ]

[There are little flickers of emotion: worry, something conflicted. Something vaguely apologetic. He shakes his head, looking at her hands.]

I just have a feeling.

[Feelings can always be wrong, of course. There's a crease at his brow, a more physical show of the brief flicker of apology he felt.]

But if Friday comes and she's still like this... then I don't know if we'll be able to do anything, after then.

[ There's something thoughtful, considering. There really is no reason for him to feel apologetic like this, she thinks.

Even if it's just a feeling and even if feelings can be wrong. ]

... Kiyomitsu, is there something you know, but you're not allowed to share with me?

[The flicker of the feeling that comes through next is something like relief. Though he doesn't say anything for a moment, he just gives her hands another little squeeze, closing his eyes.

Then, after a thoughtful pause:]

I care about you, and you've already been through a lot. I don't want you to go through another week expecting the worst at the end of it all, y'know? ...Even if it may still happen.

[Only time will tell.]

[ There's a long pause, where different emotions flicker under the surface, before she nods once. ]

I don't want to hope for something that won't come true. I am too pragmatic for something like that, but... if there is something in the works, if you feel that certain, I will trust you.

[ She lets some of her emotional walls come down, so he can feel her grim expectations, her dread, her pessimism, her feelings of inevitability, of powerlessness, of how much all she wants is to be able to survive, how she won't let herself fall despite everything because of the person she is—

How hard it is for her to trust. The walls come back up. ]

... Please don't betray it.

[There is so much behind those walls that weighs so heavily, even in the brief moments he feels it, to the extent that she allows him to. It hits him, to see the trust there - to feel the weight of it, and to know that it's something precious. Trust is always precious to him, though, no matter how easily or hard-won it is.

His own emotions react in return: a surprise, at first. A grimness. Empathy, understanding, because he feels some of these emotions keenly, too. Powerlessness haunts him every step of the way. Inevitability is something he fights off, though it weighs more heavily by the day.

He doesn't want to take this trust and betray it, so he weighs his words carefully, after seeing and feeling what she's given him.]

...I already feel like I'm pressing my luck, so. Let's keep it to this, and between us. But I won't betray something that important.

... All right.

[ Her voice is soft, so soft. ]

I'll keep it close to my chest.

[ Like everything else. She is ready to see what the next week brings, and if it is something that will eat away at her heart again, for whatever Kashuu can or can't talk about, at least she won't be blindsided either way.

This is as much hope as she can have. ]

[The feeling is fondness and affection, a little relief again, that same heaviness from before. He nods, and eventually lets her hands go. A small amount of hope is a cruelty in some cases - but he does still have that feeling of certainty, even so. That things will turn out alright, for Hot Pants.]

She's still gonna have a real shitty week, though.

[Regardless of what Friday brings, that's a whole four days of being a gotdam maniac beforehand.]

So let's do what we can to help her through it.

[ She closes her eyes and nods. She's back to her grim calmness. ]

I'll do what I can.

[ Which she doesn't feel is much right now, but it is what it is. ]

For however long I can.

[It sure is what it is. He also wishes he could do so much more, but they're all at a bit of a loss, now.

He just nods at that.]

You and me, both. [For however long they can.] ...Thanks for still being here, Roxana.

[He knows it's not a choice of either the refracted or their victims, but. He still wants to thank her for her continued presence, anyway.]

Of course. I'll be here as long as you want me.

[ Her desire to survive is one the strongest desires she has, and she will fight tooth and nail to.

On that, anyone can be sure. ]

I'm glad you're still here, too, Kiyomitsu.

[Roxana vs. Medb survivalist battle go.

There's a little flicker of a smile at that, though, and a little knot of complex emotion.]

I'll be here as long as I can.

[ nerfed, roxana wins. all powers back, medb does.

She closes her eyes, and the feeling is a little forlorn. ]

... That's as much as we can promise each other.

[i appreciate this lore thank u]

...Yeah.

[His mood is reflective, and he closes his eyes for a second. Then, with a sigh:]

--Want some tea?

All right.

[ Maybe there can be a fraction of peace in tea. ]

kashuu catchall

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