[i thought a lot about which memory to give you but you can have the nier-core one.
You kneel before the princess's body, so young at only five years old, and already gone. Like Emperor Schnaud has said, her breathing has already stopped.
You live, but your body still feels as cold as hers with the reality of the situation. Even the undercurrent of pain coursing through—the price for your previous defiance—cannot distract you. Emperor Schnaud speaks of an escape pod, but it feels like a haze to you. You want an explanation, not—this. Why is he talking about something so unimportant right now, when his daughter lies dead?
"No! I don't want to listen to this! What happened to Miss Melina!?" you ask, even though a part of you can't deny what you suspect.
This man—
"Now look here." Emperor Schnaud turns to face you, finally. "Have I ever said it was permissible for anyone to interrupt me?"
He looks at you, more gravely now. "And besides, how did you defy my order? What trick did you pull? Our creations aren't meant to be able to do that... Never mind. Let's leave that for now. We can find out the cause later."
—He killed her. This, you know.
"Your master is dead," he says. "But I shall be gracious enough to allow you to follow her."
And so, with a nod—
"So once more, I shall give you this imperial order. Kill yourself, right here, right now."
Pain wracks your head head again, sharper than before. The order wraps itself around your mind, screaming at every instinct in your body. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.
Everything hurts, but more than that, something unfamiliar bubbles from within your heart. You have served this man loyally, despite everything. You have always accepted your place in the world as a tool, meant to carry out others' will. But seeing Melina dead before you, as you struggle to defy the command to take your own life, you realize.
[ Roxana is not surprised that Clarte would give themself up to save someone, but she is surprised that they would trade an entire planet for one person. She has no room to judge when she traded one person for her entire family.
It is not her world, and it is not her life at jeopardy. The emperor reminded her too much of her father, so she can't really bring herself to care that the implication is that they're gone.
well, this is an interesting memory to have on display. when people tell clarte how kind they are here, they wonder—if that would change, if they knew what they, or the past "clarte", have done.
this is their sin to bear. even with no true memory of the incident, beyond their experience just now, they don't regret the choice they made; still, they know it to be irredeemable. perhaps this is the greatest sign of their inhuman heart, to so wholeheartedly devote themself to the child who was their master.]
[ They are still kind despite what they've done or perhaps because of what they're done. It is a terrible thing they've done, but she's been surrounded by people who do terrible things for worse reasons.
[there's a pause, though their face suggests that it's less they want to lie and more that they're trying to figure out how many details to give or leave out.]
No. If anything, I am the sole survivor of Paradise, in a way. [aside from melina.] Turning into Uranus Menas isn't death... Well, I suppose it is of the "self", but I was able to return once the darkness left me, after some years.
That's probably referring to something else, actually...
[it's fine.]
Once is already an unforgivable sin. But considering that I've already crossed that line, it would be hypocritical for me to say I absolutely wouldn't, depending on the circumstances.
[if it came down to it? they could likely do it all over again, albeit with the caveat that melina is now old enough with the agency that clarte can respect if she chooses a path fraught with danger.
but for her to be murdered by her own father, at the age of five, was a cruelty they could not forgive—this, they know.]
People can regret their actions. They may not be human, but it is a natural reaction, and she wasn't going to blame either which way. It's not like she couldn't condemn them for what they've done, but she doesn't want to. ]
Just because you make a choice once doesn't mean you have to again. To choose one person above all else, she must be very loved by you.
[ Even if she knows if Melina were older, the choice would hurt more with more comprehension. ]
[the thing is—and what perhaps makes them more of a monster—is that they don't regret it. they feel remorse for it, know that this sin will define their entire life. they'll do what they can to atone. but they wouldn't take it back.
just as "they" once thought. i killed who i had to, i protected who i had to.]
[ maybe they can figure out what her true answer to that question is because the bubble isn't completely burst, and she can read the writing on bubble membrane.
[ Official translations for her brothers' names are Achille and Deon versus the Ashil and Dion in the scanlations.
(cw: blood, fratricde)
You are fifteen years old, and you have to take a special examination that all your siblings take when they reach this age. Your brother, Achille—the only family member you could believe loved you without reservations—failed it, and he is no longer around.
When you see who you must kill, the sword in your hand drops, and you fall to the ground.
You know you want to survive. You must survive.
It is only the appearance of Deon, the brother who killed Achille, that spurs you forward. You turn all your ugly and dark emotions, all your despair, all your weakness into anger and hatred for this boy in front of you.
You pick up the sword, and you cry. Silent tears fall, as blood spills, but you can't allow Deon to take Achilles' life again—even if it's an illusion. You can't allow someone to take someone you loved away again.
You kill your heart. You kill your brother.
You are covered in the blood of what remained of the softest parts of heart.
You are an Agrece. You hate yourself, and you don't know if you could hate yourself more. ]
[ That may be the right choice because Roxana is silent for a moment as she collects herself. It is not something she hasn't lived through before, dreamed about more than once, but it doesn't make it hurt less.
Even if she never lets it show, it doesn't mean she doesn't hurt. ]
... Do I need to ask you to keep silent about this?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You live, but your body still feels as cold as hers with the reality of the situation. Even the undercurrent of pain coursing through—the price for your previous defiance—cannot distract you. Emperor Schnaud speaks of an escape pod, but it feels like a haze to you. You want an explanation, not—this. Why is he talking about something so unimportant right now, when his daughter lies dead?
"No! I don't want to listen to this! What happened to Miss Melina!?" you ask, even though a part of you can't deny what you suspect.
This man—
"Now look here." Emperor Schnaud turns to face you, finally. "Have I ever said it was permissible for anyone to interrupt me?"
He looks at you, more gravely now. "And besides, how did you defy my order? What trick did you pull? Our creations aren't meant to be able to do that... Never mind. Let's leave that for now. We can find out the cause later."
—He killed her. This, you know.
"Your master is dead," he says. "But I shall be gracious enough to allow you to follow her."
And so, with a nod—
"So once more, I shall give you this imperial order. Kill yourself, right here, right now."
Pain wracks your head head again, sharper than before. The order wraps itself around your mind, screaming at every instinct in your body. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.
Everything hurts, but more than that, something unfamiliar bubbles from within your heart. You have served this man loyally, despite everything. You have always accepted your place in the world as a tool, meant to carry out others' will. But seeing Melina dead before you, as you struggle to defy the command to take your own life, you realize.
This is hatred that you feel, and a decision you must make. (1:00:03 - 1:04:40)]
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It is not her world, and it is not her life at jeopardy. The emperor reminded her too much of her father, so she can't really bring herself to care that the implication is that they're gone.
She has always been more selfish than selfless.
But... ]
Clarte. Are you...
[ Alive? Dead? ]
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well, this is an interesting memory to have on display. when people tell clarte how kind they are here, they wonder—if that would change, if they knew what they, or the past "clarte", have done.
this is their sin to bear. even with no true memory of the incident, beyond their experience just now, they don't regret the choice they made; still, they know it to be irredeemable. perhaps this is the greatest sign of their inhuman heart, to so wholeheartedly devote themself to the child who was their master.]
... Am I...?
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She likes Clarte more than most of her family. ]
Dead.
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No. If anything, I am the sole survivor of Paradise, in a way. [aside from melina.] Turning into Uranus Menas isn't death... Well, I suppose it is of the "self", but I was able to return once the darkness left me, after some years.
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... so that's why your age is listed what it is. Would you do it again?
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[it's fine.]
Once is already an unforgivable sin. But considering that I've already crossed that line, it would be hypocritical for me to say I absolutely wouldn't, depending on the circumstances.
[if it came down to it? they could likely do it all over again, albeit with the caveat that melina is now old enough with the agency that clarte can respect if she chooses a path fraught with danger.
but for her to be murdered by her own father, at the age of five, was a cruelty they could not forgive—this, they know.]
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People can regret their actions. They may not be human, but it is a natural reaction, and she wasn't going to blame either which way. It's not like she couldn't condemn them for what they've done, but she doesn't want to. ]
Just because you make a choice once doesn't mean you have to again. To choose one person above all else, she must be very loved by you.
[ Even if she knows if Melina were older, the choice would hurt more with more comprehension. ]
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just as "they" once thought. i killed who i had to, i protected who i had to.]
I promised her my life.
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[ That kind of loyalty isn't something she thinks she can promise anyone. Not now, perhaps not ever.
She thinks that makes her more of a monster than Clarte. ]
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Thank you, Roxana. Still, I won't make excuses for myself.
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You don't have to. I'm not asking you to dress it better. I am not going to say what you did was good or right.
[ ... ]
I only think you could do something I never could.
[ And that something isn't destroying a world for one person. She thinks she could do that. ]
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[because, well. clarte would hope most people could never bring themselves to do that.]
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[ It is such an easy and believable lie even if she truly doesn't relish in death and avoids killing people herself when she can. ]
I don't want to be put in a situation where that's an option.
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1/2
she touches it. ]
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(cw: blood, fratricde)
You are fifteen years old, and you have to take a special examination that all your siblings take when they reach this age. Your brother, Achille—the only family member you could believe loved you without reservations—failed it, and he is no longer around.
When you see who you must kill, the sword in your hand drops, and you fall to the ground.
You know you want to survive. You must survive.
It is only the appearance of Deon, the brother who killed Achille, that spurs you forward. You turn all your ugly and dark emotions, all your despair, all your weakness into anger and hatred for this boy in front of you.
You pick up the sword, and you cry. Silent tears fall, as blood spills, but you can't allow Deon to take Achilles' life again—even if it's an illusion. You can't allow someone to take someone you loved away again.
You kill your heart. You kill your brother.
You are covered in the blood of what remained of the softest parts of heart.
You are an Agrece. You hate yourself, and you don't know if you could hate yourself more. ]
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perhaps it's not entirely surprising, given the hints roxana has given about what her life is like. still, to see it now—
clarte doesn't say anything, since in the moment, it feels as though anything they might say would only make it worse.]
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Even if she never lets it show, it doesn't mean she doesn't hurt. ]
... Do I need to ask you to keep silent about this?
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calmly,]
I've heard that keeping each other's secrets is an important part of forming bonds, so no. Why would I tell anyone else?
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Everyone has their own reasons for anything they do.
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